This blog is supposed to be about art, both mine and others, but it also can entail some personal issues that come up in my life.
This weekend, I experienced a massive breach of trust by a friend whom I considered to be family, a sister, & am having a lot of problems dealing with it. Until this night, I considered them to be one of the most important people in my life, someone I'd give a kidney to, if needed. But now...
It seems that for whatever reason or another, friends have fallen away from me in the last year. Either by my own ending of the friendship- because it was unhealthy, or they stopped communicating with me, now I feel the only one I can completely trust (with the exception of blood-relatives) is my partner Dane. I'm feeling very cut-off from everyone I go to school with. I understand art is a really selfish way of being (all artists are inherently selfish), but everyone is so into their own goals here that it is really, really lonely.
What happened? What do I do? When I have a friend I treat them as such, I respect them, I share what I have with them. I am a very social creature... but more and more I find myself wanting to give up. I'm tired of being hurt and my friendship thrown away.
People are always going to let you down no matter how close you get to them. It's partly the fault of your own expectations for someone and partly the fault of the person in question for sometimes thinking too much about their own well-being and no one else's. I really can't give you much advice or comfort other than you either grow hard or you stay soft and trusting and get hurt. It's not much fun either way. If it's any solace you can trust me Karla.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't trust me farther than you could throw me. I don't know the situation, so I can't give you any helpful advice. I'm Sorry you're going through this :(
ReplyDeletePeople (art aside) are inherently selfish. Part of human selfishness is a survival mechanism. I understand loneliness, but it gets better as you get older. One's ability to cope. I too am a very social creature and I believe that I am stronger and more creative through community than in isolation. The key is, is to not let these experience embitter your heart against your friends, family, and neighbors. How you do that, I don't know, because I am not on your journey. Keep your chin up. Life gets better after thirty.
ReplyDeletewe are all alone. selfishness is natural. pain is natural. happiness is natural, in other words we must deal or be dealt. art seems to be a way for some of us to deal with these things, or at least attempt to. good luck with art school, it only gets harder, but then again if it were easy...
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